anger, impotence, oppression

How to Talk to someone when you are angry – 7 Tips to Feel at Ease

1. Don’t React To Anger With Anger

Know that you’re only getting angry because someone seems to be angry with you. Try to take a step back and figure out why the person feels the way they do. It could be either due to a misunderstanding, an assumption due to misinformation, or they could just be having a bad day.

2. Stick to the Subject of concern

Make your point without attacks or accusations . It can be very easy to get angry and just open the floodgates in terms of every little thing that has annoyed you recently, but it’s not helpful to bring it all up in the context of a single conversation.

3. Take a Timeout

If you are in an argument, STOP. Tell the other person this is not going anywhere and that you’d like to take some time and continue in another xx minutes. This takes a ton of self-restraint, but it will likely achieve a much healthier end point overall.

4. Listen and Prepare

Try to hear the other person’s point of view. Sometimes we go into a conversation so mad that we forget the other person has an entire inner world of their own, and they may have perceived what happened very differently. By being prepared to listen and absorb, you may come to realise that you can’t even stay angry any more.

5. Write your feelings and thoughts

Whether it’s keeping a journal or writing a scathing email that you’ll never send, putting words down on paper is an important step for coping with anger. This also has the secondary effect of allowing you to understand why you were so angry to begin with, which is helpful for understanding triggers going forward. 

6. Breathe In and Out

Deep breaths increases oxygen flow to angry brain and stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, the opposite of “fight or flight”, often called “rest and digest”, which leads to a state of calmness. Next time you get angry, try this out.

7. Distraction

Distraction is a short term but important technique for managing anger. Ask your partner for a time-out and try playing a distracting game on your phone for about 20 minutes. In fact, researchers are developing computer games for that very purpose. After 20 minutes of distraction, you’ll be able to apply a level-headed approach to the situation at hand definitely as in time-out step.

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A confused Wife with her Husband talking sarcastically on Farmer’s Protest Happening Against government in India at


What to say when you are too angry :

  • I need some time to process this.
  • I’m not ready to talk right now. I need to go on a walk and get my thoughts in order. 
  • I’m too angry to talk. 
  • Give me 10 minutes to decompress and we can resume this discussion then. 

What not to Say :

  • “I’m Fine”
  • “Nothing”
  • “It’s no big deal” 

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